I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize