I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
