Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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