so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
