I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
