I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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