he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She needs sedatives and a leash
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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