No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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