Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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