Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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