i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
