im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize