Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want her autograph on my taint
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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