: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
