i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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