Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
