I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So squirting runs in the family.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
