3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
