I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
