I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
