what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
