3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we have pet lesbian snakes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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