i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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