and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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