Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
