hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize