I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
