Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
