I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
