what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
