This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
