im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to jail i love you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
