i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
