I smell stomach acid.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
