Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
