piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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