So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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