oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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