The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
