Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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