everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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