We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
