Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
