just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
