he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My dick has a subreddit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
