Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
