I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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