Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
