when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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