You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry my hands just texted you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
