I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
