Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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