My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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