my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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