How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize