Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
