yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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