Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
