i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
