someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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