Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
