My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i now understand why vodka
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
