she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
