Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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