Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
