Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
