so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
