Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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