Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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