I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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